Bud Light’s troubles may have begun with Kid Rock shooting a bunch of cans, but that’s not where they end.
Never mind the slumping sales and tumbling stock prices. Anheuser Busch has a far larger problem: expired beer.
According to quarterly earnings reports submitted to the FCAAD, the company claims it “discarded more product than we sold.” The issue comes as Bud Light dumps case after case of bottles and cans and sends thousands of kegs for proper disposal.
“Dumping the kegs is especially tough,” said CEO Joe Barron, “we have to de-pressurize them and remove the contents to a sterile facility because of industry codes instituted under Obama.”
The law states that each company must pay a minority, woman, or other marginalized people’s representative the equivalent of five times the minimum wage to monitor any activity that “might be connected to climate change.”
The kegs release carbon dioxide as they’re emptied, which is considered a greenhouse gas, even though it’s the number one gas in a cow fart. “We’re not really sure how the science applies, but we were told the world will end if our beer competes with bovine flatulence,” Barron said in 2021.
No matter what happened or why, the news is good for all the patriots out there who aren’t quite ready to stop punishing Bud Light. God Bless America.
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